The universe will often send us wake-up calls. These are calls to wake us from our sleeping state. The sleeping state is a state of merely existing, where one is simply going through the motions of life but is not actually living. In this state we are not fulfilling our purpose for being here. In fact we are completely unaware that we even have a purpose. We are disconnected. We are sleepwalking. And these wake-up calls are the universe's way of jolting us back to reality so that we can accomplish what it is that we came into this life to accomplish. Many of us receive these calls more than once in our lives. However, whether or not we answer the call is completely up to us.
I received my first call years ago, when my life was seemingly perfect. That’s the thing about the sleeping state. Everything always looks perfect from the outside in. Why? Because we are going through the motions creating a life that by most standards is the ideal. But it’s only superficial at best; a facade. And my life was exactly that.
I had everything I could have ever wanted. I had love, I had comfort and I had security. I also had long future filled with all of the above to look forward to. Or so I thought. That is until the call came like a thief in the knight. And in my case it was literally a call.
It was a Sunday morning and we were still asleep when the phone rang, and without getting into all the details, let’s just say that I suddenly realized that there was a third party in the fairy tale that I was living. And I can still remember the feeling of sickness that instantly came over me and that would stay with me for months to follow. It was as though my body was slowly being poisoned. But the poison was coming from own my mind. From my emotions.
The anger and the hate was unlike anything I had ever experienced before. More so I think towards myself than anyone. I mean, how could I not have seen this? How could I not have known. That’s when I realized I had known all along.
All the signs were there I just didn’t want to see them. I didn’t want to believe them. I wanted the fairy tale that existed in my mind so badly that I was willing to do anything and everything to make it my reality. I would even lie, steal and cheat to make it real. What I didn’t realize was that the only person I was lying and cheating, was myself.
That’s when the question “what the fuck is wrong with me?” first made it’s appearance among all the nasty voices that lived inside my mind. These are the voices that would tell me that I was not good enough, not smart enough, not pretty enough, not lovable enough. And little did I know then that it would be a long time before that question would finally be put to rest. But that very question, was the first big clue as to why it is that I was here in this lifetime. This question, was indeed the first clue to my purpose.
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That’s all for now.